WE MADE IT TO THE FENCE JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guys I have been shook all week, and between my early retirement and Monday night’s heartbreaking episode I have been delayyyeeed. You know me, Imma blame it on Mercury going into Regrograde.
By now you know that Cassie has ruined Colton’s life. That girl fought accusations that she was not ready for marriage all season, only to come to Portugal and dump Colton because why? SHE’S NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE. This is why 23 year olds should not be on this show, this is some piping hot bullshit. She watched her best friend in the house, Caelynn, go home last week full knowing she wasn’t even that into Colton. Shake my damn head, that was cold Cassie.
Even colder was Colton going on that date with Tayshia. He took her to the Fantasy Suite, letting her think he was ready to lose his V-Card, all the while he was only thinking about Cassie! He let poor poor Tayshia put her whole heart out on the line while he was day dreaming about Cassie in her Pac Sun string bikini and all of the blonde babies they would have.
I’m not sure this show is ethical to watch, it has been feeling like the Hunger Games for a while now and this episode really just pushed me over the edge. Watching Cassie dump Colton was so so painful. It triggered me to a point my father was concerned for my emotional well-being. It’s not great when he saw his 33 year old daught weeping on the couch screaming at the tv about how love is dead.
My anger wasn’t even about Cassie or Colton, it was about all of the guys who broke up with me and didn’t have a good answer. Cassie could barely get out her thoughts, her only response was “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know”. GIRL, you are breaking this man’s heart, you better know!!! And she did know, but it sucks to say to someone that is shaking and crying that you just aren’t that into them. No one likes dumping people, but you need to put your big girl panties on and be real with Colton that it ain’t gonna happen. The most brutal break ups I’ve had is when the guy leaves a tinge of hope that maybe things could be different for us one day, keeping that door open for me to cling to for eternity. That small doubt becomes something you fixate on, not allowing you to move on with your life. I have so much sympathy for Colton… yet again only 7 women in the house told him that this exact thing would happen if he kept Cassie so maybe I don’t feel that bad for him.
Colton is pushed to his breaking point, or should I say jumping point 😉
Normally a scene with this much hype never lives up to the expectations, but this really delivered. Colton is engraged by everything I think I may be attracted to him? Something about an angry brooding guy really does it for me. I hope he comes back from the Portuguese countryside to have his Fantasy Suite with Hannah G, that would be a huge missed opportunity. But if I know Coltoon, and I think I do, he will absolutely blow this chance to get the hottest girl on the show in bed.
Women Tell All
What a fucking transition from Monday to Tuesday night’s Women Tell All episode. I was in NO mood to watch a bunch of Colton’s rejects and dumpers yell at eachother for their audition on Bachelor in Paradise. How on earth could I care about Onyeka and Nicole when Colton’s running around Portugal with his heart broken?? Has anyone checked on Hannah G. just waiting in a villa for her date????
I would have prefered 90 minutes of bloopers and 30 minutes of just Demi roasting the rest of the contestants. But alas we did not have that. We did get to see Colton, and damn he looked weird with darker hair. I don’t think he’s well.
He’s just smiling a tad too hard for me to think he is in a genuinely good place. He’s definitely still a virgin.
|Last Week||Standing||Name||Team Name||Score|
|–||1||Gianna||virginity related name to be submitted at a later date||3140|
|–||2||Caitlin||Colton Underwood? More like Under-WOULDN’T||2965|
|2+||2||Nikki||Colt 45 and Chris Harrison, baby that’s all we need||2965|
|-1||4||Molly Rose||I’m only watching in case Colton comes out||2950|
|–||5||Kathia||Like a Virgin, touched for the very first time? I think NOT.||2910|
|1+||6||Julie S.||Not Here to Make Friends||2890|
|1+||7||Alex H.||Is it the Bachelor if there aren’t any Laurens?||2880|
|3+||9||Mark||When You’re Ready…||2850|
|-4||10||Lauren||A season without a Lauren!||2765|
|2+||11||Amanda||Colton was kicked off the practice squad||2750|
|-1||11||Sarah H.||Ugh as if||2750|
|1+||13||Liz||Like sloths to a flame||2710|
|-4||15||Kelly||You’re a virgin who can’t drive||2635|
|2+||16||Julie L.||90 Seconds with Jules||2585|
|2+||17||Kayla||Being A Virgin Isn’t a Personality Trait||2510|
|-2||18||Lucy||Pour Out a Coors for #BlakeforBachelor||2490|
|4+||19||Jason||“Mmmmmm I Like This!”||2465|
|-3||20||Jacob||I like my Bachelors like I like my olive oil… extra virgin.||2430|
|-2||21||Sylvie||I’m A Sloth, Duh||2360|
|-1||22||Sarah P.||I’d Climb Over a Gate to Escape From This Season Too||2325|
|4+||24||Katie R.||r u still a virgin if it’s in the Buttz Galore||2135|
|-2||26||Hadas||Rose Before Bros||2000|
|-1||27||Kent||If Sherman Has Sex Before I Do I’m Gonna Be Pissed||1995|
|–||29||Keturah||started from the becca, now we’re here…||1880|
|–||30||Nate||Over the Wall||1815|
|1+||31||Trintee||Miss Cherry Poppins||1810|
|-2||32||Weston||Token White Male||1765|
|–||33||Devin||kitty named Kitty||1655|
|–||34||Will||Will’s Wacky Team||1640|
|–||35||Anthony||xo_~*eVerY Ro$e Ha$ a tHoRN*~_xo||1330|
|–||36||Kate J.||Born Again Virgin||1085|
|–||37||Matt||Better laid than never…||970|
|–||38||Katie J.||At this point, I’m only here for Neil Lane||830|
|–||39||Marillyn||NFL – Never Felt a Lady||580|
We got two episodes of points here and there definitely were some people that faired better than others. Buttz Galore and JWoo being the biggest jumps, congrats!!! You’ll notice that I did not include how many women you have left, because at this point it’s pointless. We all have zero people left because everyone is dumping everyone. A season of big dumps.
Coming into the final week, you will have the opportunity for BONUS POINTS, so please click the link below and make your predictions for the chance to earn some very crucial finale points. It could push you over the edge, can anyone beat Gianna??? All entries are due before Monday at 8 pm.
With much sadness I must excuse myself like all four of the women who dumped Colton. This will be my last blog on Madam Commissioner and I’m cryng like Colton did after Cassie dumped him! I love this league and all of you crazy people that have played along all of these years. I leave you in good hands with Gianna and Buttz Galore, I have no doubt they will take us into the Finale with grace and pizzazz. Thank you for everything and please send a usb drive with a video file of the finale to Costa Rica so I can watch it ❤
xoxo Madam Commissioner