Is everyone okay??? This is a wellness check to make sure no one is frozen out there in this tundra! Speaking of Tundras… Did everyone checkout last night’s HISTORIC finale? Chris Harrison’s words, not mine.
Anywho, we are in Rovaniemi, Finald. Which is actually where my little brother studied abroad last year. Here’s a photo of him on his first day there. Can you say BURR??
The weather in New York today is eerily similar to Lapland, Finland. Here’s a great pic of me on my commute to work today. I’m very pretty.
I gotta level with you all. I didn’t really pay attention to most of this episode. I had some gal pals over to watch the finale, and we were chatting and slugging wine back and got distracted. Oops! I was going to rewatch it today but somebody’s employer didn’t call a snow day.
BUT this is the Finale episode, and since I’m a Bachelor Historian, I don’t really need to know watch to know what happened. Both ladies met the Viall Family. Nicks parent’s look amaahhhhzing considering they’ve had 11 kids, and have gone through this god awful process thrice now. Nick has brothers that are much more attractive/normal than he. Bella is still a rockstar.
The rest of the episode consists of winter activities and a lot of fur. Oh and Santa Claus! Which is a little on-the-nose if you ask me. So we are watching a show where we are supposed to believe this process is gonna work out? Sounds a lot like fake news to me. Just like Santa, it’s all made up and I can’t believe I actually fell for it.
In the end, Nick made the decision we all predicted was happening. He picked Vanessa, and a new “Most Annoying Bachelor Couple” was crowned.
Here are some other great annoying Bachelor Couples from seasons past.
Matt and Shayne – Season 12
Shayne was Lorenzo Lamas’s daughter, but she sucked. Hard. They broke up.
Jake and Vienna – Season 14
Vienna was the season’s villain, but it turns out airline pilot Jake Pavelka was the real turd. They broke up during After The Final Rose.
Ben and Courtney – Season 16
Another season villain wins the final rose. Really the worst part about this couple was Ben’s hair. But Courtney wrote a decent book about all of the celebrities she’s slept with, including Adrian Grenier! Needless to say, this couple was over before the season even started airing.
Even So things aren’t looking great for Nick and Vanessa, I doubt they’ll make it through Dancing with the Stars. Luckily Sarah H. reminded me that we will always have the OG Nick and Vanessa. They are wayyyyy better.
Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo
Even more annoying and painful than watching Nick and Vanessa pretend that they enjoy each other’s company was the presentation of Rachel’s next season as the Bachelorette. The “historic” moment Chris Harrison was teasing all night was surprising Rachel with FOUR men that would be vying for her love. It kind of ran the gamut on how well these guys came off. Some were goofy or charming, one was cool, and at least one is probably racist. I’m very excited for Rachel, she deserves love and I truly hope she finds it in the next 8 weeks. However I am very nervous that ABC is not equipped to handle the racial topics that are bound to come up as our first ever African American Bachelorette goes through this journey. Luckily we don’t have to wait TOO long to find out, the season premiere date is set for May 22nd!!!
Thank God awful season is over.
Fantasy League Scores
The moment we’ve been waiting for… The final scores for the season…
| Last Week | Final Standing | Name | Team | Score |
| 1+ | 1 | Caitlin | Naughty or Nick | 3535 |
| 1+ | 2 | Jacob | Just Nickin’ Around | 3525 |
| 1+ | 3 | Kelly | Here for the right CHEESE-ons | 3470 |
| -3 | 4 | Sarah P | Bachelor in Sarahdise | 3275 |
| – | 5 | Katie | Buttz Galore 4 Bachelor | 3085 |
| – | 6 | Gianna | In the Nick of Time! | 2830 |
| – | 7 | Liz | Rose is still my middle name | 2730 |
| 2+ | 8 | Ryan | Hogg’s Heifers & Hotties | 2425 |
| -1 | 9 | Devin | #NeverGettingMarriedIfThisIsWhatItTakes! | 2335 |
| -1 | 10 | Sarah H | New Year, New Nick | 2050 |
| – | 11 | Joe | If At First… | 1850 |
| – | 12 | Christopher | All t, all shade | 1720 |
| – | 13 | Kayla | Looking for Love in the Wrong Places | 1600 |
| – | 14 | Matt | It’s Dr. eViall. I didn’t spend 6 years in eViall medical school to be called Mr. Thank you very much. | 1510 |
| – | 15 | Keturah | Moses supposes his toeses are Roses | 1455 |
| – | 16 | Alex | The Dolphin Trainer Trained My Heart | 1085 |
The new champ is… ME! Wow oh wow, this is an unexpected honor. It feels a bit weird to win this round, but no one expected it less. Bachelor in Sarahdise, you played a smart and amazing game. You made us all want to step our game up, and for that I salute you.
Our Rookie of the Year is Here for the Right CHEESE-ons! This is a new award I’m instating for the best performing new league member. Third place on your first time at bat? NICE JOB! (Am I using sports terms right? I dunno I’m a theatre person)
Another new award I’m adding this year is Most Improved. That would go to Hogg’s Heifers & Hotties! He was in the bottom two spots until the very end. In just a few episodes he brought it home and climbed into the Top 10. Amazing 4th Quarter comeback! (Again, am I doing sports references right?)
I will be coming around with prizes over the next few days, so keep an eye out! Since we are spread out all over, I’m going to follow up with another post showing everyone’s prizes. They are HIL-arious, you’ll totally want to see what everyone else got.
I’ll be back in May when it’s time to for The Bachelorette! If you have any friends or lovers or fellow Shubes employees that would like to join our league, recruit away! I’m going to put a cap at 30 league members for now, but if it goes well I can open it up to more 🙂 League fees will stay at $2, I’m supes generous like that.
Until then stay warm and cozy, Rose Lovers!
Xoxo Madam Commissioner
Madam Commissioner 